So here we go. Year one almost over. 24 hours from now, 2/13/11, you met your end with no warning and that was it. Lights out, end of the road, gone from this earth. I’ll never hear your voice again.

I’m shaken by how much that still takes the wind out of me. How sometimes I still zone out while driving and miss my exit and have no idea how I got there. How there’s still a big, sucking hole in my chest. How I want to spend the next 24 hours in Memphis, laying on your grave black-out drunk and screaming.

I still don’t know where to put this information — it’s not like you want to tell people this shit. It feels like so much dramatic selfish bullshit. I want to celebrate your life and what you meant to me, but instead I just find myself mourning for the living.

Someday, I’ll be able to fill this date with something good. Love, warmth, trust, saftey? For now…adrift in a bottle of Velvet Devil.